Tekkaman Blade

Do I get up at 6:30 or… do I set the VCR? I set the VCR!

I’d like to congratulate whoever does the schedule at Italia 1: a genius! Really, airing cartoons at 6:30 in the morning is a brilliant idea. Considering that the law on children’s broadcasting treats cartoons as entertainment for kids (‘wha’? – Ryo’s note)(Urotsukidoji included? – WDIM’s note), how many of them are awake at that hour, for Zion’s sake? Take the typical morning of a child who goes to primary school: what time do you think they get up? At most an hour and a half before lessons begin, assuming they are as slow as a tortoise at washing, dressing, having breakfast and saying goodbye one by one to all their mobile suit models (Azusa Shiratori docet), and that they live 45 minutes away, on foot (barefoot, of course), which is already a considerable distance to school. Well, taking all these factors into account, and the fact that whenever I add 2 and 2 I never get 4, what time do you think they get up? 4:00, perhaps? But the picture changes if the child in question sleeps in the family henhouse (only chickens get up at that hour), which you surely have too, my brave readers, next to the cow shed, in your lovely studio flat of ½ m² (and where do you keep the mouflon? – Goku’s note)(Char, listen, what on earth has all this got to do with Tekkaman? – WDIM’s note).

Anyway, the people at Italia 1 pass off the 6:30 / 7:00 slot as a slot for, so to speak, experimental programmes, fine. WHERE?! Here in Italy the only person who does experimental TV is Ghezzi: how many of you saw Akira in full on Rai 3 at 3:00 at night (I wept with emotion), followed straight away by Tetsuo (I didn’t have the stomach)? And those other guys have the nerve to call Tekkaman Blade by Saban (I’m being precise) experimental! Oh, go and… get lost! If they want to broadcast something experimental, then broadcast Neon Genesis Evangelion uncensored: now that is an experimental title for Italian television (Urotsukidoji! Urotsukidoji!! – the editorial team’s note). Now that I’ve got it off my chest, I can finally give you my verdict on the long-awaited (?) Teknoman.

It was the year of Our Lord 1995 when I first saw Tekkaman Blade’s armour, and I exclaimed: “Hmm! Tekkaman has turned really nasty, cool! The first series was an absolute blast already, imagine this one!” Well yes, this time I really shot my mouth off (you always shoot it off… – Ryo’s note), because this Tekkaman is light years away from its predecessor, a real disappointment in every respect. Technically it’s a write-off: the animation is mediocre and at times downright poor (somebody at a magazine called it excellent, OVA-quality stuff. Where…), for example the transformation into Tekkaman is horrifying, not to mention when Blade twirls his lance. The character design is decidedly unusual (and by the way, since when are pupils grey?)(they must be wearing coloured contact lenses. – Ryo’s note), and mostly pointless. The mecha design (and here we go) is only good on the covers of the CDs, the model kits and the Japanese trade magazines; in the series the various suits of armour are drawn sloppily, and aesthetically, apart from Brando’s and Saber’s, they’re really ugly, they don’t give you any kick at all.

The background music doesn’t even get noticed, and then there’s the legendary theme tune by Valeri Manera, which I refuse to comment on because my brain has gone to great lengths to erase it (I fear it didn’t erase only that… – Ryo’s note); it absolutely can’t stand up to the original theme of the 1st series, far more adrenaline-fuelled (Uchu no kishi / uchu no kishi / Tek-kaman)(Not even to the original theme of Blade. – WDIM’s note). The fights are another sore point: when Brando takes on the spider-crabs he sometimes looks like Ajax slaughtering the sheep (nice comparison… seeing as he could do away with the Mouflon… – Ryo’s note), and at other times he’s the one who looks like the sheep, not to mention the final clash first against his brother Saber and then against Dark (him too, his brother: they really get along, what a lovely family!), settled far too hastily.

There would still be so much to say against Tekkaman Blade and in favour of Tekkaman (1st series), but the megabytes are numbered. Anyway, Yamato will be releasing the whole legendary first series; perhaps by the time you read this the first videotape (4 episodes) is already out, so I’ll refer you to my next review of that tape. Oh, I almost forgot: heartfelt thanks to Daniele, who warned me about the broadcast of this abomination, and if you got up at 6:30 in the morning while it was on, I hope you did it to feed the hens in your studio flat. And I’ve been fooling myself for over two years, sigh!!!